The Box Bushes are Flourishing

By Kim Johnson

Today I tried to fix something that has been broken for some time. It required me to crawl under the deck where I planted a thicket of box bushes which I believe my husband told me not to do about eight years ago as it would make it hard to get under the deck. The box bushes are flourishing in case you wondered. 

To navigate the flourishing box bushes, I had to step through the middle of one and then immediately duck down into a crouching position and then partially standup at which time I took a spider web to the face.  Anyone who has ever taken a spider web to the face knows the biological fight or flight response kicks in followed by rapid karate moves. At this point I lost my balance and grabbed a post for balance. Of course the post had a sharp staple sticking out of it, a left over remnant of some festive Christmas lights I tacked up some years ago when the box bushes were tiny. I made a mental note to remove the staple from the post the next time I happened to be walking by with pliers. Probably should also check the date of my last tetanus shot. Not one to give up easily, I proceeded forward and whacked my head on a giant beam. I paused and made a note of the giant beam so that I might avoid it in the future.

I was in search of a GFI outlet under the stairs of my deck. It had an annoying habit of tripping and most likely just needed to be reset. My dad, a retired electrician, had installed this outlet (pre box bushes) when he got tired of tripping over the extension cord that powered the bubbler to my fishpond. Inspecting the GFI outlet, it didn’t appear to have tripped. Since I am no electrician I figure I will exit post haste and call my dad for advice. On the way out I HIT MY HEAD ON THE GIANT BEAM. So what do I do? I grab the post with the sharp staple for balance. 

I call my dad, he trouble shoots my problem but advises me not to try and fix it because I might get hurt. TOO LATE. I traipse back under the deck with a knife to stick in the electrical outlet*. Yes, that was my plan. I manage to avoid another spider web and am feeling pretty good about myself because I didn’t grab the post with the staple. I am practically whistling a happy tune, knowing my problem is about to be solved. I use the knife to push in the little red reset button on the GFI outlet because sometime those buggers can be resistant to resetting. Still doesn’t reset. I get mad; I turn around to leave and HIT MY HEAD ON THE GIANT BEAM.  I realize that I am being punished for planting box bushes. So I do what everyone does when they can’t solve a problem. I start a new project. 

Eight hours into my new project I recall in a moment of clarity that my dad did advise me to unplug EVERYTHING from the outlet before I pushed the reset button. I grabbed my knife and practically jumped over the box bushes, avoided the staple, ducked under the beam, pulled the plugs, reset the outlet, plugged in the fish bubbler back in, turned around and HIT MY HEAD ON THE BEAM. I can already hear the sound of bubbles through the concussion and frankly that’s all that really matters. 

*Kim Johnson lives on Logie Trail and is not advising anyone to stick a knife in an outlet.

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